he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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