he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
