Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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