update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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