pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
