So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
