How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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