You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i barfeds in our rink
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
