She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
