there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
