Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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