btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
