i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
