This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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