Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There's even glitter on my cock...
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