So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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