I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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