she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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