you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
