he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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