tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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