And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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