So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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