Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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