At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
