stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
