before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
