I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
