Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I want her autograph on my taint
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
