i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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