so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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