WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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