Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
