i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
