I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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