4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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