So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
