K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize