dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
