it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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