you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
