Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
