By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
