someone get that fucking seahorse.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
