Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How does one acquire holy water?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
