I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
