thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
