i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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