i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
