This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
