I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
