Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
