It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
