i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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