Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
