i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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