just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
vagina is talking i cant
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
