Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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