Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we made out on top of his cat.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
