I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is my gift to your gina
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
