thus making me awesome and them whores
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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