I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I forget how to act sober
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
