when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
