my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
