He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
