I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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