I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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