I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
