Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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