the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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