Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
