she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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