Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
