I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
