My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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