i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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