Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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