seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
