the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
