I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
