carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
