I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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