Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i was born a porn star she said
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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