8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
