when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
