Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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