Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
