You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you had me at cake vodka
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
