I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the liver wants what the liver wants
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
