my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
