and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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