When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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