You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
