Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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