Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
