I think I died a long time ago.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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