Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have feelings that need drinking.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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